The Cycle of Falling In Love

You’re happy! You’re single and so ready to mingle with other single people out there. You have all the time you have in your hands. No one tells you what you should do, you don’t have to bother looking at your phone for text messages unless it is really important, you go out with your friends and maybe even attend parties here and there.

Until you realize there’s something missing.

Well, it doesn’t work for everybody but I know there are people who’d think that there’s always this “something” that’s missing in their life.

And that’s when this person comes along.

It’s always a different story on how you two met but the story all goes the same - you talk to him for countless hours, look for your phone first thing in the morning and check if he’s sent you a morning text, smile if he did, sulk a little if he still didn’t. Then you catch yourself smiling when you finally see a message from him… and that’s when you worry that you might be falling in love with this person.

You’re cautious, you think of what might happen in the future like maybe someday, you might get hurt by him. But all of his actions make you feel certain that he will try his best to make you happy. All of his efforts now turn out to you trusting him that he’s worth every risk you’re going to take, so you just fall into him.

This is now the time you realize that you finally found what you have been missing all this time - a great love.

It’s a rush! You’re even more happy than you were before. Everything’s blissful, you’re looking your best with your radiant smile making everyone wonder who makes you feel that way. You both introduce each other to your respective friends and families and somehow, you two made the world a little bit smaller.

You weren’t the hesitant girl you once were from before, you gave all that you could to make the relationship work. You’ve taken every risk you were once afraid of. For once in your life, you weren’t so afraid anymore.

Fast forward n-months or n-years into your relationship later. Your relationship with him had some its ups and downs, fighting with him became so exhausting you just want to take a rest. You’re not sure where everything went wrong. All the promises and plans you made before became more vague as you go on a heated argument. Nothing you say could make everything better.

Then you finally came to a point where you lost everything - the point you have been so afraid of n-months or n-years back, when you had the decision to risk it or not. You lose yourself. You cry yourself every night to sleep, trying to relieve the memories wanting to shake them off at the first time.

Those countless hours you’ve spent talking to him before are now filled with silent times. As you wake up in the morning, you search for your phone and check if he’s sent you a morning message and you see that he doesn’t, maybe he never will… and that’s when your heart finally breaks into little pieces because you’ve been hoping that you both could get through those waves.

Unfortunately, you don’t.

You have no choice but to move on.

You try to pick yourself up, put the pieces back once again and try to go back to the life you were once used to before he came along. Some time later, you realize you were back in the track once again. It wasn’t easy, yes, but it’s sure a great feeling to finally move on from your past.

You’re happy! You’re single and so ready to mingle with other single people out there. You have all the time you have in your hands. No one tells you what you should do, you don’t have to bother looking at your phone for text messages unless it is really important, you go out with your friends and maybe even attend parties here and there.

Until you realize there’s something missing.

Well, it doesn’t work for everybody but I know there are people who’d think that there’s always this “something” that’s missing in their life.

And that’s when this person comes along.

And you remember the pain of risking.

You say that falling in love sucks…

but you fall for it over and over again.

#NoteToSelf

Isn’t it amazing how one day, you’re so sure of one thing and the next day you just became undecided? Well, they say that the only constant in this world is change. So as much as people say that they won’t ever change and that they’re making promises they are so sure to keep, don’t try to dwell yourself on those.

Make people feel special if they do mean so much to you. It is not enough that you tell them their worth but try to show it, as well.

HJSDHFJKASHFJKAHSJFAE I SUCK AT WRITING MY FEELINGS ALREADY.

Can I just say that everything’s just not okay right now and I have every right to be sad because it is my fault. Like I never knew what was in front of me. I take people for granted, I make them feel useless. That’s how bad of a person I am. But if given the chance, I would like to prove that it’s not that I don’t care - I just don’t know how to show it in a way that others would feel what I feel for them.

This is getting useless, just wanted to rant. 

I just had to….

I’m not the one to talk so much about my relationship this time around because I learned my lesson. I have learned from before that every time I let out a deatil of my life, I get hurt because of what others say. So from then on, I promised myself that I will limit everything I say.

Then came one instance I cannot take it anymore so I just had to write it here.

I know that when it comes to guys, I do not pick the brightest one in the bunch. I always seem to pick guys who tend to hurt me the most and leave out those persons who are really good to me. And that makes me understand the concern my parents and friends have for me.

Then came Melvin. Not a lot of people know that we became friends ever since I entered the organization. It was almost a year of friendship - nothing else. No flings, no flirtations, nada. At first, I do admit that I wasn’t sure of him as much as the other guys I have dated before. Other people weren’t my concern back then, it was him. However, time wih him made me more comfortable about us. When that came though, I became unsure because of what other people say.

Yes, I know that there are a number of people who doesn’t agree of our relationship, but I don’t really get it. Was it because of his history with his past relationships? Because I think I can decide on what’s going to hurt me and what’s not going to. I feel like our relationship were judged the minute we had it going - which, for me, was really unfair. I guess we decided to keep mum about it since we had hoped everything was going to die down.

Well I guess what I’m trying to say is that I guess we don’t bring down anyone or hurt people with our relationship. I am not failing my subjects because of him, in fact I am passing my subjects because he patiently teaches me everything I don’t get.

So I guess any premature judgment wasn’t really necessary? But yeah, I know I’m not the one who should dictate that. At least I tried to let everyone understand.

I know I didn’t had to explain; I just want to let everything out.

5 things I learned this summer

1. I learned that people were happy for me that I got my Chem 32.

Felt the love on Twitter and Facebook when I posted my schedule. I guess they were just tired of my rants so I guess they’re happy for me? Lol. Nevertheless, I feel happy with this.

2. I can handle money when cashiering properly.

Well at first I was so nervous about handling money (especially money that is not mine or not given by my parents) and I’m not just talking about money like a thousand or two but a lot. Seriously. So yeah, I’m glad that I was able to handle those properly without any shortages or overages.

3. Feels good to receive my first paycheck.

Oh God, I can still remember the feeling of getting the money I’ve worked for. Never have I imagined that I will earn my own money at eighteen years old. I thought I’d just earn it by the ampaws I receive every Christmas and birthdays but no. Yay! I feel so grown up now *pats myself in the back*

4. I’m a versatile person.

Well a lot of people said this before but I didn’t believe them until now. Not to buhat bangko or anything yeah, I felt like I could relate to people. I mean in school of course I have encounters with upperclassmen and lower batches. But working in EK… wow just wow. From guests to fellow cast members… the diversity of people is just too much. So this was a great experience I am sure that would help me learn to relate more to people in the long run.

5. Feels good to buy my own clothes using my own money.

!!!!!!!!! Just wow. Never thought that shopping would be better if you spend your own money so I won’t have to worry about like “would dad like this top since I bought it with his money?” or something.

Indeed, it was a memorable summer. :-)

Ate what exactly is priority listing? Congrats on finally getting Chem 32 by the way! :)
Anonymous

Think of priority listing as manual enlistment. You line up for the subject, say Physics or Chemistry, write down your name and your preferred section/s then wait for a blessing. That’s the listing part. The “priority” part will show up when the results of the listing are out. People who signed up for the subject will be ranked based on specific qualifications needed by the subject like do they prioritize graduating students or those who should’ve took the subject ages ago but weren’t given the chance over those younger batches you still doesn’t crucially need the subject or something.

Thank you dear! Waited for that subject for so long now I got it :successkid:

Skirts, shorts and shiznits.

The thing about me is that I really, really love clothes. I might not be the girl who always posts her OOTDs or turn my blog into a fashion blog. Not because I think my fashion taste isn’t good, but I’m still shy because I’m not that slim anymore or whatever. :—-( #TeamLowSelfEsteem

Anyway, I guess my style really depends on my mood. Whenever I don’t feel like dressing up, I just wear plain V-neck shirts or Artwork shirts (I’m not really into brands, Artwork just really have these amazing designs you could make a statement by even if you’re not wearing too much) like this:

Bought this ‘cause i feel like it’s so cool with the skulls and everything.

Another is that when I started going to college, I found myself loving shorts and skirts. When I was in high school, I was strictly just into pants. So thank goodness UP doesn’t have a dress code so we’re able to wear whatever we want to.

Decided to invest in bottoms this year since I’ve got a couple of plain shirts to pair with these:

Usually, I go with the skater skirts in solid colors but since I feel like I have all the colors I need (wtf), I decided to go floral. Best thing about this skirt is that it has a built-in shorts inside or whatever so when you walk to class or around the campus you won’t have any problems managing your skirt because of the wind. I hate it when the wind does that.

Fell in love with this shorts the moment I saw it. And what was even nicer was that I got this on sale! 50% off!!! Felt like this was such a steal.

I’m planning on wearing this skirt on my one of my best friend’s 18th this August. Still searching for a cute top that would go with this though. Anyway, I think this one is good for my ultra-feeling girly days too. :-)

Then finallyyyyyyy, my first set of jumpers!!! HAHAHA I’ve been searching for jumpers for quite some time now then finally saw this. What’s good is that the jumper thing (???) is detachable so I can just wear the shorts yay!!

Every start of semester, my parents always give me my clothing allowance. This time around, I get to pay for my own clothes. All those working hours at Enchanted Kingdom? Yep, spent it on clothes and some school supplies. It feels great having worked hard for this. Like before, I just buy clothes I have doubts on but never wear them after purchasing. This time around, I always think "So this costs 300 pesos, that’s full 8 hours of work, is it worth it?" so yeah, definitely learned the value of money. :—-)

Now with my schedule doing great so far, I am ready for school! :-)

fashionistasilhouette replied to your postI’m sorry about this. Ang higpit nga ng IC sa slots ng chem. Actually kahit kaming mga prioritized sa Chem 43 this sem di nabigyan haaay UPLB :(

Hi! Only got the chance to blog properly after all the systemone shiz, so sorry for this late reply. I know how hard it is sa pag-aasa sa “priority listing” ng Institute of Chemistry. Siguro kung may listahan ako ng mga paasang bagay sa mundo, mauuna dito ang IC. :( Sana makuha mo Chem 43 mo! Tiwala lang. :-)

Wow I had such a rough day and here I goooo. Really. Hindi ko ibabagsak ito. I know how hard it is to get this subject and I wouldn’t want to trouble the younger batches. Thank you so much Lord for this. I know that You really provide! :-)

And I’d like to thank Melvin and Ate Claudine because without them and their fast internet connections, I wouldn’t have this.

Onse na lang! :-)

Wow I had such a rough day and here I goooo. Really. Hindi ko ibabagsak ito. I know how hard it is to get this subject and I wouldn’t want to trouble the younger batches. Thank you so much Lord for this. I know that You really provide! :-)

And I’d like to thank Melvin and Ate Claudine because without them and their fast internet connections, I wouldn’t have this.

Onse na lang! :-)

It’s the time of the year again

I know ranting won’t do anything but it’d definitely release all the stress I’ve been feeling because of this.

Every year na lang ganito. 5 units, 6 units initial schedule… eto lang pinakamadugo.

Okay so, I understand that I am delayed already. When it comes to my Math and ES subjects, I fully understand that since it was my fault I have failed. But for my Chem 32? I HAVE NEVER FAILED ANY CHEMISTRY COURSES. My standing last semester was “Good” so I cannot fully understand why I cannot get that subject for over a year already in my initial schedule when someone who failed chem and was in “Warning” standing last semester got it. So OUR, I believe that you have your priorities but a simple explanation about this would really help.

Second year first semester ko pa dapat yan subject kaso hindi raw priority ang BS ChemEng. Edi okay, fine. Mga blocmates ko rin nahirapan kumuha ng subject na yan, next semester daw namin kunin. Then came second year, second semester. LAHAT NG KAKILALA KONG CHEM ENG NAGKAROON NG CHEM 32. Okay, priority listing. Hindi ako natanggap kasi siguro hindi ako “priority”, naghintay ako until 4PM for the confirmation of slots ng Chem 32 na yan. Wala talagang nagback-out. Wala talaga. Then came this summer semester, hindi open sa SystemOne yung enlistment ng Chem 32. Priority ang BS Chemistry and BS AgChem na Batch 13 na.

Wow, as in. Talked to one of the professors of Chem 32 last semester. Lumuha na ako as I was stating my case dahil sobrang helpless na ng feeling ko. Kahit na hindi pa pwedeng sabihin ‘yung mga professors na magtuturo nun for summer, sinabi nung prof na ‘yun kung sino ‘yung mga magtuturo para makausap ko na. Dalawang professors nilapitan ko, stated my case. Wala. Priority daw nila talaga ang BS Chem and AgChem.

I asked them, “Kailan po kami magiging priority kasi ang hirap lumugar.” Sabi sa akin, subukan next semester. Kinausap ko na rin si Sir Bambase, Department Chairman ng Chemical Engineering, sabi niya i-waive ko raw Chem 32 and ChE 31 next semester, i-aapprove raw niya sa level niya. Okay.

Sobrang helpless ng feeling ko nun dahil alam kong delayed na ako. Tanggap ko talaga kung delayed ako dahil sa kasalanan ko. Pero delayed ako dahil sa subject na sobrang hirap makuha na kulang na lang lumuhod ako sa mga professors? Wow talaga, sarap mag-aral eh.

We pay my tuition rightly at hindi kami nandadaya diyan sa STS na yan, sana naman makuha ko ‘yung subjects na deserve at kailangan ko talaga.

Ngayon, hindi ko na alam gagawin ko. Siguro kailangan ko lang lakasan loob ko, ako rin naman matatalo sa huli.

ilang sem ka na delayed? :( natatakot ako baka ako din. wala kasi akong nakuhang chem 32 sa initial sched :(
Anonymous

I honestly don’t know kung ilang semesters na ako delayed. Kung Batch 13 ka na Chem Eng din, wag mo sanang masamain pero wag ka munang umasa sa Chem 32 since kami rin niyan nun ganyan ang naranasan at marami pang Batch 12 na hindi nabibigyan ng Chem 32.

delayed ka na ba? nakita ko sched mo sa s1 magtetake ka pa lang ng chem 32
Anonymous

Yup. Delayed na ako. Been chasing that subject for years now.

University of Sto. Tomas Sparks

God knows how much I still want to pursue my dream.

image

Photo lifted from http://ajygatdula.blogspot.com/2012/06/living-without-uste.html

Whenever I see UST in pictures, news or in real life… The feeling of awe never fails to leave my system. Yes, even after three years I would still transfer to this university in a heartbeat.

Tanungin lang ako ng daddy ko ng, “Gusto mong mag-UST?” Promise, aasikasuhin ko agad agad ng papers.

But of course, life isn’t that easy. As much as I want that to happen, I don’t know how I could make it happen. I don’t know if it’s too late since I’ve put on so much time and effort right now in UP.

I am terrified because I might not feel the sense of achievement and happiness if ever I graduate from my current course. Sure, I would take so much pride in what I have accomplished, but would I feel fulfilled? Nakakatakot.

Around this time, last year, I went back to UST. I am excited and nervous once again. Excited because I’ll be seeing my dream school again, and nervous because I’ll be seeing my dream school again. What if hindi na ganun ka-glorious ‘yung feeling ‘pag nandun ako? What if nawala na ‘yung sparks na nafeel ko ‘nung high school ako? But then that would be a looooot easier for me in my current situation kasi yay parang infatuation lang na-feel ko for UST.

When I went there though….

Iba pa rin. May sparks pa rin kami ng USTe.

LAHAT. ‘Yung uniform, ‘yung home-y feeling doon, ‘yung students… lahat. Iba talaga ang tama ko sa UST.

Nung nandoon ako, iniisip ko na siguro kung nandoon ako nag-aaral sobrang sipag kong mag-aral, ‘yung tipong nag-eenjoy ako ng sobra kasi ginagawa ko kung ano ‘yung gusto ko talaga. Siguro matataas grades ko dahil sa pag-aaral ko ng sobra, tapos siguro ang sarap ng feeling pagkatapos kong magcollege.

Gustong gusto kong malaman ‘yung feeling.

Sa totoo lang, parang gusto kong pumasok doon kahit one week lang para malaman ‘yung feeling. Kasi nasa point na ako na hindi ko na alam kung anong gusto ko talaga. Kasi what if lumipat nga ako tapos hindi na pala ‘yun ang gusto ko?

I didn’t know that my decision three years ago would cause so much conflict within myself right now.

But if I were given a chance to live my dream, syempre gagawin ko pa rin ang lahat para dito.

Sucks to have so much passion for something you can’t have.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that if you’re an incoming college student, make the right choice. Don’t settle for something you’re trying to love. Go for something na gusto mo na talagang gawin matagal na. 

For everything….

samandriel:

If I was an author, I’d go into bookstores and find the shelf with my books, randomly sign one, and put it back on the shelf to be sold.